no more feels ?

Just a short little post.
Ambitions and future aspirations can wait...

It started last Monday.
Well, at least for me it did.
I snapped a little.
I know its not your fault,
but I just can't help it.
I know its no one's fault.
Just mine.
Why did I have to go and think so much ?

I've been waiting week after week.
Every Monday,
I'd wait at the library after school for you.
But ever since the term started,
you had other agendas to attend to.
Its not your fault.
Its my fault.
I was the one who declined your offer to talk.
I wanted to play Mr Nice Guy.

I know you didn't mean it.
In fact,
you didn't do anything wrong.
I was just overthinking things.
And that got me here.
Miserable.

I thought I could let it go.
I thought I did let it go.
But talking to you today made me realise.
Everything has changed.

We used to talk every Monday.
One on one.
You broke barriers and I closed gaps.
It was fun.
I enjoyed our time together.

But today was different.
I know you're feeling under the weather.
But something just didn't feel right.
When you told me about your relative's broken collar bone,
I couldn't care less.
I forced an 'ouch'.
Because I didn't know what to say.

The walls are once again.
We talked.
But I still feel miserable.
I don't feel what I felt before anymore.
And I don't know what to say anymore.
What we have now is but a professional relationship.
You have your work.
And I have mine.

Good bye.
It was nice knowing you,
Jack.


Listening to Something's Gotta Give - OneRepublic

And I can picture it after all these days,

And I know its long gone,

And that magic's not here no more,

And it might be okay,

But I'm not fine at all.

I was there,

I remember it all too well.

Feeling lost.

TK

i wanna i wanna i wanna

Just a random post.
To keep you people entertained.
Provided you still read this blog, that is.
Today,
let's talk 'ambition'.
Every kid has those.
If you don't have one,
you have some serious issues to sort out...
Whether its from becoming a doctor
to creating weapons of mass destruction
to using weapons of mass destruction
to resurrecting zombies and deceased relatives,
(almost) everybody has an ambition(s).

I had some too.
But they were mostly related to my future career.
At first,
I wanted to be an astronaut.
The man in space.
Because space fascinated me to no end.
Mom bought a really big book.
I'd flip to the last page and place it standing.
All the controls are there.
I'd sit in front of it and pretend to be a real astronaut.
Alas,
not everyone can be an astronaut.

But who needs astronauts, right ?
They're useless.
And never used.
Pay must be pretty low.
Pilots are much better !
After all, the sky's the limits.
Until you realize there'll be another 100 people on board.
And you can't take naps.
And you have to eat special meals.
And you have to stare at navigation controls for hours.
Oh, and then comes the glasses.

Let's be realistic now.
First, astronaut.
Now a pilot !?
You're getting way too ahead of yourself.
Having a 'grounded' job is good enough.
So its settled.
I'll be an artist !
Its so easy.
We draw things, get famous, and get rich.
But thank goodness I took Arts in kindergarden.
THAT made me realize,
drawing n TK no mix good.

Journalism ?
Well, maybe.
But I don't really like writing.

So what else do I do ?
And this is where all those dreams come crashing down.
'I'm pretty useless, aren't I ?'
Ok, its settled.
I'll do something really simple.
Something that I know I'm already interested in.
Computery stuff.
I like computers.
And I like stuff.
And the emo computer teacher in school looks cool.
...kinda.
What could go wrong ?
Ummm....
so what's the difference between
Information Technology and Computer Science ?

But wait.
What about copywriting ?
No, I'm not a photocopy machine assistant.
You know,
copywriters design stuff like pamphlets and brochures.
Sounds cool.
Some creative work,
some writing.
And I'm good in English, right ?
So.
IT or Advertising ?

Well,
the IT field seems to be blossoming better.
Plus, I MIGHT just run out of creativity soon.
So....still IT !
But seriously,
what's the difference between
Information Technology and Computer Science ?
Whatever....
But I'm pretty sure now.
Something to do with computers !

Or am(was?) I ?
Its funny.
Because what I wanna do now,
is completely diffeent in every single way possible.
I'm sure those who REALLY stalk me
or know me in RL
would know what I wanna do in uni
(and subsequently, as a career).
But I'll save that for another post.
Which shouldn't take too long...
Hopefully.
Enjoy your weekend !


Listening to I Wanna - The All-American Rejects

You lift my feet off the ground,

spin me around.

You make a crazier, crazier. 

T.G.I.F

TK

shameless =)

Because everyone needs to show off once in a while right ?
If you don't show off,
someone else will do it for you.
Am I right ?
That includes the media.
Or annoying friends.
Trust me,
everyone has one.
I have more than I can count.
Oh wow,
that was mean of me.
Don't worry I'm not talking about you guys.
People who read my blog are NEVER annoying.

Ok,
I sound like I have an overly-inflated ego.
Which is true.
Did you SEE that picture ?
I'm practically on Cloud 9 right now.

Back to the real world,
I know an average of 77% isn't very high.
But it was still awesome.
Just look at that (predicted) ATAR score !
95.65/99.95.
So I'm like smarter than 95.64% of the state XD.
Which means I'm around the 1500th smartest person in the state.
Aww, I'm so honoured.

But that's besides the point.
The point is,
this is probably gonna be (once again),
as good as it gets.
Can I reproduce this kind of results during my actual exams ?
I'm not sure.
But I highly doubt it.
Not only was I super lucky during my first semester exam.
The syllabus load was also halved.
I could give more attention to each topics.
Now I'm not sure can I still handle 375 days worth of school,
all crammed up inside my head.
So, I would like to remember this moment.
I could always repeat Year 12
and try harder next year.
Mom said she wouldn't mind.
OMG Mom,
what hath thou become !?
And as much as I am (kinda) a perfectionist,
I wouldn't wanna waste another year in h311 high school.
Uni life,
here I come !
(My social life in uni is going to depend mostly on
what kinda face I put up on the first day.
Please learn to smile.)

Listening to Taylor Swift Medley - Paradise Fears

The whole place was dressed to the nines,

and we were dancing, dancing.

Dancing like we're 22 !

Immortalisation via blogging.

TK

8-8

I'm exhausted.
The good news is,
I found my laptop.
No one stole it.
I just left it in the computer lab.
I placed my black laptop on the black CPU.
Camouflaged at its best.
Even I didn't see it when I went to look for it on Monday.
Thank goodness another student saw it.....
and didn't take it....
PHEW.

So after wasting my last weekend lazing around,
I had to get back to work.
Stayed back longer in school.
Trying to keep up with unfinished schoolwork,

while still juggling around classes.
It was INSANE !
I'm currently on Waves for Physics.
Redox for Chemistry.
And Permutation for Maths.
And to be honest,
I'm struggling a fair bit.
I always end up redoing my papers all over again,
because I practically copied the answers when I first did them.
Yup, its official.
I'm dumb.

I hate waves.
I hate (well a little) redox.
I hate my Maths teacher (permutations are quite fun....until you realise you've made a mistake).
I had to do 3 Chem practicals as well.
One of them was an Investigation a.k.a PEKA test.
And all of them were super-rushed.
I had to go back to the lab to repeat a prac

because my results were too....crappy ?
The investigation went OK,
but I ran out of time and panicked at the end.
Thus, writing up the wrong figures for my answers.
The worse part was,
my brain was in such a daze,
I actually thought I used the right figures.
Until my other friends start whining about their turn.
and then BAM !
Oppps wrong figures.
Opps wrong answer.
Bye bye investigation marks.
*Shoots self.
The third prac was OK.
At least it was titration.
I LUV TITRATION.
Actually, I love all Chem pracs.
Ran out of time at the end.
I had to wash my apparatus while the other class started flooding the room.
I can't believe there are SO MANY people
doing Year 11 Chemistry.
Almost the whole room was full !
And how many is doing Stage 3 Chemistry ?

Ummm...
Well, there's around 8 to 10 of us in my class.
And I had to clean everything up while my "juniors"
were (kinda) staring.
It was annoying enough I had to rush.
But Mr Chubby just HAD to say the most annoying things at that moment.
"ooooooo TK..... you made a messsssss....oooooooo"
Dear Mr Chubby,
I'd like to see YOU try to do a solo titration.
And for that matter, PASS your Chemistry....
(rant moment)

Wait there's more.
English Oral Test says 'hi'.
I guess I didn't do as well as I'd expected.
I kept on saying 'ummmm...ummmm'.
And I think I talked quite fast.
Too fast.
Lots of words had their orders mixed up.
My mouth was just spouting out anything my brain can come up with.
And my teacher caught me lying...

Jacki : Bla bla is bla bla. Have you studied any text that helped you understand that statement ?
Me : Ummm....Yes....ummm I read The Spare Room. and I felt that *elaborates lie*
Jacki : I see. Can you give an example please ?
Me : 0_0 (for one minute)
Jacki : Thats OK. Moving on.....

I felt like pounding my head on the table.
But I suppose these things happen.
We've never done an oral practice before.
So I wasn't really sure what to expect.
And that's the whole point of an oral test.
Being asked things you've never thought of.

Other than that,
I've been in school for almost 12 hours a day.
But my pile of homework isn't staying down.
And time just feels like its passing so fast when I'm there.
I blame Physics.
Well, can't fall behind now.
I just gotta keep pushing until I get it right.
Less than a 100 days until WACE.
Am I supposed to start feeling pumped ?
I haven't started revising yet.
Just trying to get all my homework done.
Oh well, I'll pray for the best.

Looks like this is gonna be another one of those 'study posts'.
Sowi.
I have nothing better to write about.
My life basically revolves around the library and school.
And more library.
Yes I know my life is boring.
And I don't know how to spice it up.
Seriously.
Any advice ?
No time management advice, or I'll kill you.
I like wasting my 19th year stuck in a box of books.

Oh there's something to talk about.
 A few days ago, Miss V talked about how my life revolved around libraries.
School library, COP Library, State Library.
Yea, that's how she see me.
Someone who's always in a library.
Which is kinda true.
And she told me if I wanted to 'waste' my year being stuck in a library.
To me, that rhetorical question was hardly worth any thought.
Yes.
Yes it is.
I actually want to open my result slip,
and tell myself,
"This is the best I can do."
Don't get my wrong.
I'm not saying I've reached my limits or anything.
But I just wanna have no regrets when I open that slip.
Oh wait,
they don't use slips here.
Open that webpage....
Much better.
Hopefully uni will be less stressful =3
I'm counting on it.

I don't wanna lose all my hair by the time I'm 30.

Also, a silent 'hapwi bwufday' to Miss Enlightened.
Don't forget to get a Masters, get pregnant and get married.
Have 10 kids and teach them how to be as enlightened as you !

Something extra.
Glad to see I can still cook up a decent omelette.
Is strawberry + bread a weird combination ?

And here's a random picture I took during my term break.
It was at the sky bridge near
Leederville Train Station.
The picture was taken around 6pm on a Monday.
You can see all the cars are on the freeway.
Everyone wants to go home.
Hmmm....
Kinda makes me miss all the free time I had.
Taking free bus rides around the city was/is
my definition of leisure.
I know I'm weird.
But I guess its also a good thing to find pleasure
in these little things.
I miss shopping in Op Shops too !
Never do that anymore nowadays.
Ok scratch that.
I miss actually finding a good bargain at Op Shops.
I can't wait to just sit back and relax after WACE.
But then the insane summer weather will be back.


Listening to We Own The Night - The Wanted

Back to my stressed life.

TK

lost. (not in the depressin' way)

If you haven't already noticed.

I lost my laptop.

My Macbook, to be precise.

The one I got from the school.

The one that was under a loan scheme.

And now its lost.

Penalty ?

Somewhere around 1.5k.

I guess running in the rain around Curtin 

really was the highlight of the week....

The really frustrating part is,

I don't know HOW I lost it.

I couldn't find it in my bag during Physics,

so I thought I left it at home because I was rushing on Friday morning.

"Oh darn ! Its at home. Oh well, its Friday so I won't be needing it anyways."

Nothing extreme happened in the morning.

My laptop was always in my bag.

I didn't take it out.

And even if I did,

how could I miss something so BIG !?

I mean,

its a giant black rectangular box.

After some brainstorming,

I came up with 2 possibilities.

Possibility #1.

I left it on the computer lab's table 

when I was raiding my bag for my pendrive.

Possibility #2.

I accidentally left it in my locker.

Which would be REALLY unlikely.

Right now I'm really hoping Possibility #1 is really the case.

Also I'm praying no other student from the next class decides to steal it.

I mean,

WHY WOULD THEY !?

The school already gave them their own, right ?

If you think I'm exaggerating ?

Well, I'm not.

All my assignments, homework, answers, drafts, data is inside that box.

And trust me.

I actually did my homework this year.

So it would be extremely heartbreaking 

to see all that hardwork just vanish !

Well, I guess this is where you start saying

"Thank God I did my homework and submit them."

At least, it won't be that hard to retrieve all those lost files from my teachers.

Aussie Fact ! (according to my English teacher)

When something bad happen to Australians.

They just laugh it off.

Nothing good will come out of grieving.

Just get back up and start again.

"We're the battlers."

And to some extent,

I am kinda trying to laugh it off.

I mean, 

I (probably because I'm not the one who's gonna end up paying)

find it hilarious to be able to lost my laptop

given the chances.

I probably leave my laptop in the library every evening when I go out for a drink

but it never gets stolen.

And the one time I have it with me at all times,

its gone.

Possibility #3.

Someone took it while I was in the bus.

But there was only around 5 people in the whole bus.

And most of them are students.

I'm sure someone would've noticed.

Right ?

Well,

all I can do now is wait and see.

Heading to school first thing tomorrow !

My heart's practically beating super-fast.

Oh yeah.

I'm also glad to announce that,

for the first time in a very long time,

I've wasted an ENTIRE weekend doing NOTHING.

No studying, I mean.

Probably too depressed about losing the laptop.

And I'm kinda lazy to do my work,

since the questions and answers are on it.

Too lazy to re-download them.

Too lazy to drag my old dodgy laptop around.

And the best/worse part,

the homework starting pouring in last week.

FML indeed.

So now I have to carry over last week's homework.

Good luck trying to cope.

I already have 3 Chemistry pracs, and an Oral test lined up.

FMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFMLFML.

Oh well, 

I'm "Australian".

Might as well just laugh.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

No, I'm not going gaga.

On a totally unrelated note,

I've attended both Curtin and UWA Open Day now.

TISC (uni) application open tomorrow morning.

And after much influenced thinking 

and disappointing restrictions,

I've finally made up my mind.

Bachelor of Science at UWA,

double majoring in Environmental Science/Natural Resource Management.

Here I COME !

Bachelor of Philosophy is too competitive.

No scholarship =(

Curtin won't let me do E.Science.

No scholarship =(

Well, 

I'm not saying the scholarship would be crucial.

Nor am I hum-bragging.

But I really want it

so Mom and Dad won't have to pay that much.

Also, it would be really great for my ego self-esteem.

Mostly for financial reasons though.

Also,

I got bored during dinner just now

and decided to stream an episode of 

Junior Doctors : Your Life Is In Their Hands Season 2.

And I think watching those Jr Doctors

trying to juggle their lives and career,

really gave me my motivation back.

Sometimes, 

even professionals feel overwhelmed

and maybe,

a little disinterested.

And I think that's why I like Season 2 so much.

I remember I was searching all OVER the Internet

to find the bonus "1 year later" episode

because ABC wouldn't air it.

I didn't move onto Season 3, though.

The new Jr Doctors didn't really speak to me.

I like Season 2 the best =3

And I definitely recommend the show to anyone.

Especially for people who want a career in medicine.

(Have fun trying to insert your first cannula.)

Maybe my motivation will come back this week.

I can almost feel it.

Well,

if I get my laptop back that is.

If you've made it this far.

I applaud you for your perseverance.

Well, I must apologize for the lack of images once again.

I was gonna take one at the uni today.

But unfortunately,

something happened. 

lawl.

I'll try to get some pictures this week.

They'll probably be pics of the library.

I'm gonna lock myself in that place for the whole week.

(IF I find my laptop that is)

ARGH !

The suspense is killing me !

Listening to The Climb - Miley Cyrus

There's always gonna be another mountain;

I'm always gonna wanna to make it move.

Always gonna be an uphill battle;

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose.

Its all about the climb.

Keep on moving,

Keep climbing,

Keep the faith.

Things happen, but I won't stop.

TK

as good as it gets.

So here I am.
At Curtin's library.
I think the storm outside is still going on.
It was windy for the whole day.

I thought I could get some work done if I came early.
Avoid the peak hours and all, y'know ?
So after Physics,
I went on a bus to the city centre.
Took the train to an isolated bridge in the middle of busy highways.
Then another bus to (finally) Curtin's bus station.
And then it started raining like crazy.
I COULD've made a run for it to the library.
But....well its not that I don't know where the library is.
BUT the front/main entrance is closed,
and I don't know where the alternate entrance was.
FML.

With some very confusing instructions from Miss Who,
I ended up walking circles around the library....quite literally.
But now I'm safe.
I'm in here.
There's free WiFi.
I'm out of water (there's some weird black thing at the fountain)
but that's fine.

Apparently, everytime we have bible study sessions here.
Something bad ALWAYS happens.
No kidding.
The last time, we didn't know where the chapel was.
And it was VERY dark AND cold.
Oh well.
Life goes on, despite the pouring rain.
And believe it or not ?
This is probably gonna be the highlight of my week.
Running in the rain.

Well, its time to go.
Seeya next time !
(how's that for WALLS of text ?) ;-)


Listening to Dear Darlin' - Olly Murs

Soaked shoes,

TK

learn to help yourself.

Test week just ended.
Well, almost...
Assessment week is coming up,
so I'm not really celebrating yet...
Eight more weeks of school left until the next term break.
After that, its straight to the final exam.
And then, WACE.

I'm not sure am I supposed to be scared of it, or not ?
Part of me is terrified about sitting for the test.
The other part of me just wants to get it over with...
Not that I think its easy or anything.
But...you get the idea.

Oh, theres a story I wanna share.
Well, its not really a story.
It really happened.
But that can still be a story, right ?
Ok, I'll stop it now.

Last Wednesday,
after my Physics test,
the student support officer came looking for me.
"Great, student support thinks I need support..."
"Sorry for interrupting the class, Eric.
I was wanna look for this guy........or girl.
Name's *insert Aussie accent* Kang Tam."
Then she asked me for my Uni Preference and Course Preference.
And then I asked her what this is about.
And she said "bla bla.....one of the top scorer.....bla bla....maybe scholarship....."
And then my brain and heart stopped working for about 1 second.
Keep calm and poker face 0_0
"Thanks Eric. Bye !"
THE END.

Now, I'm not trying to boast or anything.
It really happened.
And it isn't written in stone yet.
Besides, just cause your ONE of the top
(there're some crazy people up there)
doesn't mean you'll get a HIGH ATAR.
What about all those prestigious private high schools
with crazy competitive kids.
Well, I'll just see how things go.

At first, I was happy about it.
Then, I felt guilty about it.
But someone managed to make me feel like
I really truly honestly deserved this opportunity.
So now I'll work harder and aim higher.
Because if I really did put 100% into it,
then I deserve 100%.
Plus, an actual social life.

I'll stop now.
Trying to learn how to post short =)
Ciao.


Listening to Preacher - OneRepublic

He said God only helps those,

who learn to help themselves.

He was a million miles from a million dollars,

but you could never spend his wealth.

Determinator,

TK