I mean this is what a blog is all about right ?
Writing about how you feel.
Knowing that cyber space is merely a pseudo medium with no real distance.
People can't touch you.
I'll be here blogging.
While my haters are getting stabbed and man-slaughtered by crazy invaders.
I don't know if I'll mention people specifically. So if I do, well... JUST HATE ME...
I don't really know what I'll write.
I'll just rant.
Because it's so much easier to type out what you're thinking about something on the spot.
Well. Here goes !
Ohhhh wait.
But before that.
A little thank you to Bri for your (extremely late) gift to me.
Although I do sense that if I hadn't gave
(And by gave I mean wrap it up in tissue paper and throw it at your head from the other side of the table)
you that gift to molest, you wouldn't have did it.
But then again,
I'm just playing 'hard-to-get'.
Thank You. You made my day.
And my days are not simply just made.
It requires luck, patience (which I don't have)
and a consistent line of happy things going on around me.
OK BACK TO RANTING....
Ever hear about only being able to choose 2 out of 3 things in a student's life:
Enough sleep, good grades and social life ?
Well, for some reason I'm getting half of each now.
My social life part is a little below average though.
I get around 7 hours of sleep on weekdays.
And everything in school is still easy so my grades are OKOK.
I spend my days in school from 8 till 6++pm
Anytime I'm not having class, I'll be in the library.
Unless someone told me to accompany them for something.
But those are just little boring stuff.
Last month, I attended a study course.
which teaches you how to study (go figure...).
One of the topics that the teacher touched was study timetable.
Which also means the time we spend on studying.
She told us to take it slow, because classes have just started.
But I'm already spending (maximum) 20 hours a week studying.
I wasted my weekends at the library.
Everyone said if we put too much into our studies, we'd crash and burn.
But I don't really feel that way.
In fact, I used studying as an excuse to escape from socialising.
I truly feel like those bespectacled Asian girls in novels who didn't blend in with the other kids and took a huge book with her to read everywhere.
Hmmm...maybe 'cuz that IS what I'm reading for my literature assignment.
Back to the topic,
studying helps keep me in check.
Mustn't make TOO many friends.
Or else everything is gonna go crazy again.
like last year.
Gosh...I cringe at some of the humiliating things I did last year.
Back to the mainer main topic,
I guess I won't crash and burn so easily when it comes to books.
(SUPER ASIAN POWER)
But I'm pretty sure almost everything about my social life is killing me right now.
I just had a massive breakdown last Friday.
Won't go into details, but it was the worse one yet.
My legs got crammed, I couldn't control my finger muscles and they bended in weird ways.
Couldn't see properly, eyes covered in tears.
Nose completely blocked off by the mucus,
everytime I swallowed my saliva, my ear to ummm... feel weird.
Also, all this happened on the floor,
simply because I haven't showered yet.
Honestly (because this is MY blog),
I don't really know why I cried.
I think it's an overstatement to say my life is miserable.
I have everything.
Phone, Clothes, Food, IPod, Bed etc
Oh but wait, where are the friends....
THe ones that I can actually touch,
the ones that are here right now.
What friends ?
Yes, so my social life sucks now.
Even going to church doesn't really cheer me up.
It just makes me feel even more isolated.
Therefore, I AM isolated.
I'm starting to hate crowds.
I feign disgust whenever I pass by a group of students or friends in school and in the streets.
I'm turning into a little monster.
Even mom said it.
Moms are ALWAYS right.
Everyone already know one another.
Who am I ?
Just another outsider who appeared out of nowhere.
Throwing my f***ing pride away for a few laughs.
Hoping my social links will level up.
I'm pathetic.
I don't think 'they' (whoever they are) don't even care.
Nope not even the slightest.
I know I'm exaggerating.
Life isn't that bad.
But emotions are clouding my judgement.
I do feel like I'm stuck right now.
I'm not doing anything.
Just 'studying' my time away.
To some people,
I know that I'm mean sometimes.
Which is probably what I've brought down onto myself.
But I don't really care anymore.
Because I'm just here to vent.
Nothing more, nothing less.
What I just typed out, I don't even know.
But I'll click 'Publish' anyway.
Gee. I hope the next blog post would be a bit more organised....
Listening to Impossible - Shontelle (Covered by James Arthur)
Depression sinks in.
TK
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